by Robert L. Franck
In the musical The Fiddler on the Roof, Tevye says, “Because of our traditions, every one of us knows who he is and what God expects him to do.” Here is wisdom.
But wisdom quickly unravels—this being an American musical—under the irresistible pull of romantic love. Each of Tevye’s daughters and their suitors stretch the marriage tradition further and further until it finally snaps. The result is confusion, struggle, and finally division in the family. The loss of tradition is, supposedly, a fair trade for modern enlightened individualism. But one still senses the deep loss.
All peoples have traditions, but we Americans, like Tevye, are not very good at keeping them. Perhaps it is our compulsion to continuously reinvent ourselves, not just generation by generation but now even year to year. We are rootless, but we would never describe ourselves that way. We turn tradition inside out when we say that we’re “stuck in a rut,” such as in, “We’re stuck in a rut. Let’s do something different this Christmas.”
Let’s not.
Instead, let’s give attention to establishing and preserving family traditions. This is important for three reasons.
First, traditions produce important memories. Some things stick in our minds because they impact our life powerfully, like getting a tooth knocked out or proposing marriage.
We remember these things because they are unforgettable. But other memories are worn into our brains, like a path is worn in the forest, through repetition. Family traditions should wear a path into our memory—a path that one delights to remember and looks forward to walking again. These good memories will keep our hearts with our family and their affections on us.
Second, family traditions provide identity. In the same way that national and cultural traditions define the identity of a people group, so traditions define the uniqueness of a family and foster a sense of belonging to that family. Again, this is particularly important in a culture that promotes originality and individuality. Contrary to cultural pretensions, we don’t live and die as individuals—we are husbands, wives, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandpas, and grandmas. Traditions help glue us together as such in common experience.
Third, family traditions are an opportunity to celebrate. Mordecai knew what he was doing when he established Purim. It wasn’t to be a somber time where children squirm in uncomfortable chairs and embarrassed parents give their ears a hard twist. No, it was to be a joyful time—“days of feasting and gladness, days for sending gifts of food to one another and gifts to the poor” (see Esther 9:20-22). This celebration would strengthen the Jewish people. The same principle applies at the family level. Eat, play, shout, laugh! A family will grow and remain strong if they have great times together.
If we hope to gain these benefits—memory, identity, and celebration—we must intentionally build good family traditions into our holidays. These traditions should be a collection of old and new. Old traditions are those that are passed and received from one generation to the next, like present giving, feasting, expressing thankfulness, and caroling. New traditions are those that are unique to a family, like special decorations and treats, favorite stories and music, games and puzzles, goofy gifts, competitions, skits, eating the turkey gizzard, or hanging spoons on your nose.
To quote Tevye once more, “Because of our traditions, we’ve kept our balance for many, many years.” May we do the same.