by Robert L. Franck
There are few waters more dangerous to disturb than the role of the church in relation to children, particularly concerning youth groups. So let’s wade in.
There are two basic camps – those for youth groups (and children’s Sunday school and children’s church) and those against them. Usually different camps subscribe to different premises, resulting in opposite conclusions, e.g., Dispensational versus Covenant Theology. However, in this debate both camps have accepted the same premise but draw opposite conclusions. This premise underlies most philosophies of children’s or youth ministries and goes something like this: “Parents are responsible to raise/train their children. Youth ministry supports and assists parents in this responsibility.”
This premise is wrong and hopelessly confuses the issue. Let us examine it.
If youth ministry is an extension of the parent’s authority and role to raise their children, then all youth ministry is by definition parenting. This is strange parenting – for a number of reasons. First, the youth are separated from their real parents in most cases. And, even if the parents are involved in the ministry, it is not as parents but usually as “sponsors” or some other term for helpers. Second, parenting mostly takes place in a family setting, especially in the home. Youth ministry mostly takes place in a peer group setting, usually in a classroom, a discussion group or an activity. Third, the ministry leader, the youth pastor, is often an unmarried or recently married young man who may not have children of his own. This is an odd fit for a proxy parent. So then, under this arrangement we end up with a young man acting as a proxy parent outside of the family context, under the authority of the real parents, who are assisting him, who is assisting them to do their job. This should be the cause of a rib-cracking good laugh.
Now, back to our camps. Those who oppose youth ministries grasp the irony above, but they fail to appreciate the humor because they see this as a serious abdication or usurpation of the parental role. Those who champion youth ministries don’t think it’s funny either. They say that these ministries truly help parents by accomplishing some targeted aspects of raising children better than the parents could do it themselves. Again, the premise of both camps is that youth ministries cover ground that is the responsibility of parents. One camp holds up a banner that says “keep out” and the other a banner that says “keep on.”
But is the church fulfilling a parental responsibility when ministering to children? Before I answer this, let me draw a parallel to the husband-wife relationship. A wife is under her husband’s authority. But when the preacher preaches to her, he is not doing so under the husband’s authority, nor is he assisting the husband in his headship responsibility. He is preaching under the authority that Christ has granted to elders of the church. He is fulfilling the responsibility of the elders to teach the Word.
Likewise, the church is not fulfilling a parental responsibility in youth ministries or any other ministry. Raising children is the responsibility of the parents. Teaching, worship and fellowship ministries are the responsibility of the church. A youth pastor serves under the authority of the elders not the parents. The family is not the church and the church is not the family. Each has its separate sphere of authority and responsibility.
Of course there is interaction between these spheres. The church upholds the family by teaching about marriage and parent-child roles and responsibilities, encouraging families to apply biblical teaching, and, when necessary, disciplining those who refuse to obey this teaching. The family upholds the church by obeying the elders and supporting the church, both financially and in body life.
Does this mean that a church must establish youth ministries in order to fulfill its responsibilities and, if they do, that parents are obligated to send their children to them? At this point we depart discussion about authority and responsibility and enter debate about culture and application. The Scripture does not present a detailed model of ministry that must be followed through the centuries. We have to figure this out on our own, doing our best to apply biblical wisdom in our circumstances.
Every age is different and has its own challenges. A great challenge in our day is the breakdown of the family, especially the father’s headship role. This damage has happened, not so much by a decapitating strike from our enemies, but by a thousand self-inflicted punches. Busyness. Separation. Overload. The church needs to be aware of this and help fathers give their families proper attention. A church should evaluate its ministries, not just considering immediate benefits to the participants, but also taking into account the aggregate impact on the family. A father should evaluate his children and determine how to best engage them in the church and its various ministries. Just as participation in men’s or women’s ministries requires careful evaluation, participation in youth ministries requires consideration of a number of factors in the spheres of both church and family.
As in all family matters, we long for a rule, a law, a template. We long for the easy way. But this would be foolishness. Pray for wisdom.